Sexual Dysfunction (American?)

edCall me Barbarella, and I will travel from place to place sharing and exploring the sexual habits of all the natives.  And so I do, now, make sure to sample a good proportion of all the sexually capable humans I come across.

And unfortunately, men, we have a bit of a problem, or PROBLEMS, I should say.

Most of my sexual encounters these days start off with a disclaimer…….

…not a disclaimer, FROM me, but rather a disclaimer from my gentleman caller-du-jour.  These disclaimers are another form of what I like to call the self-declaration” a serious of theoretically ego saving gestures that, even in a non sexual context invariably dooms whomever utters and hear the declaration.

These disclaimers go something like this:

-The first couple of times he’s going to go, really fast.

-Sometimes I cant get hard….always been that way.

-Its always difficult to get off with new people.

-I need to get you off first because I never last longer than 3 minutes.
SERIOUSLY- Almost everytime.  And we are talking about young, supposedly virile men in their mid 20s-mid 30s that start off every sex act with some warning of their sexual inadequacy.  I mean how am I supposed to react to this statement?

In my head:

Um, you know you can train yourself for that?  Its just a muscle, exercise stamina thing like running?

Out of my mouth:

Oh honey its ok, just relax, have a good time……………

Which inevitably leads to them just allowing their dysfunction to rule and wreak this havoc, and then feeling deflated.  And the most annoying thing is that they seem to resent ME, like somehow I was this great snake charmer who couldnt overcome years of bad physical training, and a dooming mental perspective.  Sheesh.

Luckily, european men seem to have this problem less.  Even those who seem to have minor physical performance issues, dont seem resigned to a life of sexual dissatisfaction, instead see it as a temporary set back and try to fix it- which they do.  They also tend to live healthier lifestyles, working out more, but not to this intense beefcake way, have activty as a routine part of their life (not confined to 2 hours at a gym on certain days) and consume more raw fruits and vegetables.

Boys, lead by example.  Just because you cum, doesnt mean thats as good as it gets.  Trust me.

So take a deep breath.  Try some kink, get your mind off the prize in your near future or the nightmares of your past.  At home, practice, masturbate for distance, masturbate less rough, less fast.

Try some toys.  ditch the greasy foods, or the booze for a bit and do some push ups! lets train together to go the distance.  It will be so worth it

~ by Klawdya Rothschild on February 6, 2009.

One Response to “Sexual Dysfunction (American?)”

  1. interesting, but first let me say that my balls are tiny like raisins and my erection only happens once every 77 years.

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