Bruises and Roses: Post Shoot Afterglow
Yesterday I had my big shoot with Master Costello and company. It was a full day of torture and torment Germany style. We shot a cute little film about an American girl who is sent to Germany to learn proper German SM, and the ‘real’ words for the implements and activities…that all good slave girls should know. Yet again I discover that my ability for pain isnt what it should/could be, and that when it comes to traditional ass-beating SM Im a bit of a wuss :( Also, in a very real and practical way I learned just how importance trust really is to any kind of SM play.
First for the fun stuff:
This is a picture of my ass, you can tell its my ass because of the tattoo 🙂 the lovely little bruise that you see if the product of several roses in a bouquet beaten and broken off of my ass, one by one at the end of the film. 
This was kind of conceptually awesome to me, as roses are of central importance to symbolism that I use, as well as the tattoo itself. this bruise is like a blossom amid the vines. This fact was incentive enough for me to endure one of the most severe beatings I have ever before withstood…and I shrieked and reeled against the pain, but accepted it nonetheless….so much shrieking in fact that after the shooting, the lovely maliZ asked me if they had overlooked to remove some thorns from the stems!
Im fairly certain that the rose bouquet beating is a trademark of Master Costello, as Ive 
seen it in at least 2 of his other films…but I specifically made a point of mentioning that I liked it and sure enough they obliged. I liked it so much in fact that I kept some of the broken roses from the shoot, just so I could pose them with my tattoo and show them to you (also I like to make scrapbooks of my various escapades). And as a lovely gesture, one I was very pleased about, they gave me the remaining roses from the bunch (which turned out to be 1 1/2 dozen and not a dozen, bc I DISTINCTLY remember 12, not very
bloomed and very hard roses being broken off of me). lol so, of course I kept those and posed with them as well :)
In other news, I think I might officially be done with on camera SM. Bondage, I will always love you, and your position in my heart, life, and on camera is safe and sound. But SM…for pay….on camera: we are through. Working with PD of Hardtied, was sort of amazing, and I could theoretically do that again, but Im not sure, bc of my little pain tolerance issue, that I am suited even for that….reminder however:and an essential component (Bondage) is present. At Master Costello, there is practically no bondage, including restraint, not just rope, and so in some senses the imperative and the incentive for my to take more is diminshed. Bottom line, I need bondage.
2nd, rapport is crucial for successful BDSM, and so is trust. I have always said this, but never before have I really experienced a situation where this was challenged and I failed to overcome. Especially in the adult industry, you have very few options, typically, with who you are paired with, and part of your professionalism is to power through, with or without connection or rapport. fine. Usually no problem. In this instance, I found myself remarkably uncomfortable with the person I was playing with *ONLY* in the context of play. I thought he was a very nice guy, but his style of play, his manner of handling, and most importantly his technique and adherence to limits was completely at odds with mine. Now did I power through it? Of course. Did I enjoy it? Not a little bit, and Im sorry to say that I had a little bit of a melt down when my one and only hard limit (choking) was crossed and its really embarassing to need to stop a shoot just to calm myself down with 6 people watching and waiting. Now, there is no one to blame for this. The staff was extremely professional, polite, attentive, and understanding. Also there is a language barrier…but did the handler avoid the area thereafter, nope…I feel like I am capable of being coaxed into taking more pain, and PD certainly got a lot more out of me, in his famous words: If I get you hot first you can take more….and he’s right. I dont feel like there is an ounce of me in the film, and this concerns me….but what’s a sex worker to do?
Klawdya Rothschild's Vortex 
hmm ;/
As you already knew: No pain, No Gain.
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